This will be a quick entry.

Today marks an important day for me, this year being no exception.  Today I get one good shot at curbing my illness.  It is important to mark today as a day of living and dying, of coming full circle.

We will feast and celebrate and then I will take my shot.  May the Bright Star find her mark, may she who shone first shine always.

I would like to update the last month.  Despite an effort to work on this everyday, I once again got out of the rhythm of it all.  In my defense, I did travel for a week in there without access to the internet, however the rest of the time was spent wrapped up in other things.

I have a major medical appointment this week; this is where I find out beyond other considerations, whether or not I have made any progress on the illness.

We just had a big weekend with a couple Moon ceremonies and of course the Summer Solstice events.  We worked on a lot of things.

When speaking of the ebb and flow of energy within the solar year, we look at the time from the winter solstice to the summer solstice as a climb up a mountain which steepens almost impossibly the closer to the top you are. Now we start back down, as the year gains momentum towards the winter.  Time moves more rapidly in this time, until the days fly by.

Now is the time when we have the edge, when our work can be accomplished at greatest ability.  We enjoyed the day of stories and song, meetings and magic; now we work harder.

We have our first small produce from the garden: peas, tomato, pepper.  Our cherry tree is also heavy with ripening fruit so that harvest has to begin today as well.

So this entry starts the next phase of things.  We are underway.

With one dear to me,
In this fateful hour...
Upon all powers of Goodness and Light I call;
The graceful Moon with her loving glory,
The evening star with her vengeful fury,
The morning Sun with his shining brightness,
The falling snow with its glowing whiteness,
The warming fire with all the strength it has,
The quick lightning with its blazing wrath,
The searching winds with their dancing swiftness,
The stormy sea with its empty deepness,
The mountain stones with their eternal steepness,
The mothering Earth with her living fullness.
With love of the Divine and calmness of faith;
With all lives lived and dawns yet to be;
With all I have seen and to ever will see;
With those who have stood where I now stand;
All these I place...
Between myself and the forces of Darkness.

The words are not mine, and portions of this have appeared in other forms and other writings.  What I offer is a fuller version of a Deeper Magic.  When the situation is dire, Darkness is winning and all hope seems lost, remember these words.

Use of these words will become obvious when, as they say, "The tide is high and the water is still rising."

It hurts me deeply how intolerably cruel and lost the world is, how pain and suffering is packaged and sold, how predators use hope as a weapon and how dark the horizon appears.  I am asking all who receive this, if they can, to please read the words aloud, at sunrise or sunset, on June 24th this year.  Together, we can all make a difference in this world, even if only in the smallest ways in our own homes.

Even the slightest change can Light up a World!

This is a copy of a bit of writing i have given to many of the people closest to me.  I have debated sharing it, but I believe that it should be...

The following is a gift, a debt both owed and paid. It is a celebration and a sorrow.  The words that are my signature are well known, and to my way, quite true.  But they are not the gift, the gift, the debt is thus:

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there.  I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.  I did not die.

The reality of this thing is quite severe.  It is not a bad dream, or a simple illness; it is both serious and profound.  To survive it will take all that I have learned, all that I have felt, all that I have believed.  My people say my one great characteristic is that I survive.  That is what my people have done and it is the best that can be hoped for.  At the end of the game, if we are still here, we won, no matter how much we lost along the way; we endured.  We survived.  Maybe I will, too.  I won't quit.  All I have to do is keep getting back up when I fall.  I just have to be too stupid to stay down.

There is also the possibility that I will fall and can't rise again. Sometimes, no matter how righteous the struggle, how dear the cause, how brave the warrior, you can still lose.  The "no win scenario" is a falsehood, but losing is a harsh reality.  If I lose, I must find a victory in the defeat, show my sons how a man dies if I cannot show them how a man lives.

I have been and am fortunate.  My family and my people still live by the Once Ways.  We still find meaning in the struggle of life.  We live equally in This World and the Other World.  One foot in mundane and one foot in magic.  One thought in the Past, one in the Future, the Present only the briefest connection between the two.

If these events are some of the last of my life in this time, I can at least know that I can proudly stand with my ancestors, knowing that I have not forsaken my identity, that special words may be spoken. That I have had for friends some fine and noble people.  That I have always been what I am. The words, as fire consumes what remnant of a vessel I may leave, spoken as the spirits dance, spoken as the ash is cast upon the water, carried upon the wind, remembered by the stones, and reborn in the earth are simple:

Home is the Hunter from the Hill,
    And the Sailor from the Sea...

I do profoundly hope that these words are a long time coming, past more children and grandchildren and their children.  I do dearly hope to be around for my family and my people during the hard times.  And I do wish for many years of joy and happiness with those who have become so dear to me.

You are some of those people, and nothing can ever change that.  As much for anything, I fight for my survival for those of you who care so much for me and mine.

The Gift?  The Debt?  The same thing.  Human Love.  By our beliefs nothing holds higher.  We believe that the human race exists only because a decision was once made out of love, sacrifices laid down for something greater than ourselves; the love we fell for others.

Feel the world around you.  Feel the love people hold with you.  Hang onto the light it brings to the darkness.  I believe in Good and Evil, Light and Darkness.  I believe I am a Warrior in a great struggle between these things, a struggle between the freedom of mankind and his enslavement.  I believe we are all in this great war, but many choose to not see it.  Darkness has many weapons and tactics which strike at and corrupt the hearts of men, subverts them.  Darkness has much to offer and those who follow seem to have much to gain, but we who serve Light have something they can never have and never understand.

Love. 

And all that comes with it: loyalty, duty, honor, sacrifice, trust.  The things that make life worth the struggle.

So, you have what I have already given you, and what you have given me:  Love.

Two different people, Two different families, Two different tribes, Two different spirits.

The celebration?  That we got to meet in this life.  Which I would not trade for all the days left to me in this life or the next.

And I will be, until the stars grow old and the sun grows cold....


With all the I am to You,

John Robert Harvey


Part of Love is Trust.  You have earned all of mine and more.  Ask what you will of me; if I is within my reach I will do for you whatever can be done.  Believe that.


Below, I end the piece as I do my personal letters; with signature quotes that are core to my beliefs.  I hope that any who read this can transfer the gift to another.

--
"To live without Honor would be to die without Grace."

"All that Evil needs to triumph in this World is for Good men to do nothing."

"In the Warrior's Code, there is NO surrender!  Though the body says stop, the Spirit cries NEVER!!!!!"

"I won't be wronged; I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them"

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

"Every warrior hopes that a good death will find him."

"What we do in this in this life, echoes in eternity."

Well, I let a big gap come into play once again, but it could be worse.

The new grand-daughter is doing very well and I am fairly sure that she is getting spoiled completely.

We had quite the straining series of events on our group, yet for the time being, we seemed to have not only weathered them, but are somewhat better for the crisis to have happened.

Circles have improved a bit.  We have another one tonight, so we will see.  We also made some administrative changes here at the home place and they seem to be getting more done, better, in less time.

The garden is coming along, but it will be a couple seasons before the soil is amended and conditioned even remotely in the acceptable way.  Weeds are rampant, and as everyone knows, the organic way is slow at the beginning.  With proper TLC, it will get better.

We took an expedition-like trip to another part of the state, where we used to live and still have some contacts.  Each person had their little things to do, for me it was the seeing off of an associated tribal family as they make their way for their piece of ground back in the Mid-Atlantic region.  They are dear to me and I hope to see them again in this life.

We are nearing the end of the second week of tribal summer school.  The younger (including the grandkids) have a nursery/day school thing going, while the older children have formal academic classroom time in the morning, and traditional and life skill studies in the afternoon.  So far it is going really well, and it is working good in conjunction with the administrative changes we have made in how the household is run.

My illness is somewhat stable at the moment, my condition also improving with the changes made here.  I now focus less on the hoo-haw.  I am still responsible for everything, but instead of such a loose management of things and counting on everyone to do what they know they need to do, I sat down and formalized it into management schedules like I would have back when I was a Professional Engineer running a large project.  Ultimately, this Tribal enclave is a large project in and of itself.

My art has been on hold, but demand for it is still good.  Once the management/administrative revisions are fully worked in (maybe one more week), I will be a able to return with free conscience to my art and also the the Great Gathering project.

Things are going well enough, that my mundane fears are trying to kick in.  The old "things are okay, time for something bad to happen" situation.  I am working diligently to live once again without fear.

Sometimes I feel the flicker of myself coming back to life, then I lose it again.

This is the next quote I use on my personal email signature.  I like it there as a reminder of not only who I need to be, but who those closest to me need to be.  For any improvement to our world or existence to be realized, good folks are going to have to rise up and DO something.

It is not enough to not do evil things.  One must be diligent in insuring that they not only do good things, but are careful that unintended consequences from good intentions do not result in evil acts.

We are responsible not only for our own actions, but also to remind those us as to the need for their efforts as well.  Many people, of different faiths and cultures can embrace each other in the fight against evil in our world.  There are acts of both good and evil which transcend petty differences.

On a less philosophical note, our summer session of our Tribal School began today with instructor meetings and course overviews.  I am pleased so far with how things are looking up!

But then, maybe the school is right on the mark with the philosophical discussion.  It is an action against Darkness.

"To live without Honor would be to die without Grace."

This is a line from a poem I wrote a very long time ago.  Many years have past since that time, yet I still find a priority truth in this line.   I use it as the first of several quotes (the rest from other authors) as my signature on my personal email.

I think that there is a certain division among the main elements of humanity, at very least in this country that can be determined using this quote and kindred concepts.  Be it religious, political, ethical or other ideological separation, this quote can make the distinction, in a certain sense anyway.

What if we were to look at this quote as an expression between means and ends in the course of life? Do "ends" justify "means"?  Or does the goal become diminished if tactics or "means" are used that are in direct opposition to that goal or "end"?  Is there any point in having lived life one way, only to make a big change at the last minute to get a different outcome?  Is there any point in a "reward" if the game of life was not played by the rules you agreed to?

I know...a lot of questions.  Ultimately, I think the quote makes the argument in addition to the distinctions which can be described or inferred, all within itself.  It is a thought to live by; the life and the end of life are part of the same, that all things are both the "means" and the "ends", that to ignore your deepest beliefs, to ignore the standards you have set, to disbelief that which you profess in life or in the end times of life, is to have lived a life, or won a death without meaning.

There are those who believe that the ends justify any means necessary.  I lump them in with the same people that believe in the moments before death, you can get a free pass for the things lived in life.

All the moments of our journey through this live are intertwined, and we are accountable for all, good and bad, even if only to ourselves.

I only missed one day, which is a lot better than I was doing.

Yesterday I got out and taught a one on one lesson on the use of a wand I had made for them. It went very well.  I also had the opportunity to meet one of the people who is interested either in one of the large altars I have already made or in having custom work done.

One of the best parts of the day was when I got to meet a member of one of the local tribes.  He was putting an event together and we ended up having a nice long talk.  It was a wonderful experience and we were able at the end to part ways in the way of old friends.  I would love to participate in his event, however we have already scheduled that time elsewhere.

For Circle last night, we took a nice sunset hike into the glens above the home place, found some wonderful sages and returned during moonlight.  We had a little fire and shared some refreshments.  Earlier in the evening we all ate together outside at a big table.

A lot of stupid, distracting mundane things intruded yesterday.  While I am proud to have been able to ignore many of them, a few broke through, dampening what would have otherwise been an even more fantastic day.

My horoscope on our website was right on as usual.  I made gains in the last couple days, but they need to be consistent.

"If fear is cultivated it will become stronger, if faith is cultivated
it will achieve mastery." John Paul Jones

"It seems to be a law of nature, inflexible and inexorable, that those
who will not risk cannot win". John Paul Jones

It is necessary that we find a way to get our Great Gathering rolling again.  My new old friend Russ seemed most interested and excited by the idea.  I will keep working on letting go of the mundane again.

"He either fears his fate too much, or his desserts are small, who dares not put it to the touch, to win or lose it all." The Toast of Montrose

We have a lot of rows to plant today and People have asked for some things for me to make for them.  I have a lot of heritage yet to convey to my children and grandchildren, so I will leave it at that today and get back to my True Work.

Here are some lyrics that mean a lot to me.  I feel that all who are aware of the battle between Light and Darkness have an obligation to fight in that battle, to promote Light, at any expense.  That I have become afraid in my "old age" is ridiculous at best.  More likely shameful.  The song is called "Trailblazers".  All who have felt, seen, heard or dreamed of a better world need to be exactly that; Trailblazers.

It's been a long way but now we are near
in the midst of the fiery rain
We know the Thunder have summoned us all
to the place were innocence got slain

Behold the omens, the rivers run red
The autumn winds carry the dead
The final warning, the very last command
Shattered remains for the damned

We won't surrender
No never, we will carry on

From the Lake of Fire they have come
Fierce almighty legions, one by one
When the Flames of Glory touch the sky
Trailblazers do or die

We are the mighty, who soar through the air,
creating our own destiny
Warriors once and Warriors to be
Forever our spirits fly free

We rode on lightning we shone like the sun
in a thunderous symphony
We fought them hard we fought them so brave,
sending them back to their grave

The Hammer has fallen
The fire still burns in our hearts

From the Lake of Fire they have come
Fierce almighty legions, one by one
When the Flames of Glory touch the sky
Trailblazers do or die

The visions we gazed upon,
as the nightmare returned
On the uncaring slopes
the mark of the shadows still burns

I hope you got a glimpse of what I am feeling and what I think is happening.  Let me know, good or bad, what you think, when you get the chance.  The Sun came out of the clouds a few moments ago.  I have felt the touch of the Divine in my Life again.

There is no other way to describe it.  I could claim to have been juggling between a lot happening and the slings and fortunes of my illness.  And that would be true.  But still, I made this commitment and I need to find a way to carry it out!

Our grand-daughter arrived to our daughter and they are both doing well.  Planting has been going alright but could be better.  Our fruit trees bloomed which was beautiful to all senses.

We have done a lot of mundane and fiscal renovations and look forward to a couple of our children coming home for the summer.

The art output has been dismal, almost as bad as the internet.  The work has been pretty good, just not as steady as it should be.  Between being ill and the happenings and whatnot, it has taken a backseat, which is truly for the worse.  The art helps all those things improve......

The same old circle.  Time to get it in gear and do what I MUST get done, not what I am pushed (by myself and others "needs" to be done).

I will get back on track to doing the things that will help this illness.